Making a Change

Sometimes it is incredibly difficult to make decisions, especially when you know you are not feeling your best. When you are sad, angry, ill or any other heightened state of emotion it can be really hard to gage what the right thing to do is. The right thing to do...for who? For me? Surely I know what the best thing for me is...right?

I have had a tough week but overall the outcomes have been positive. I am happy with the decisions I have made and what is next for me in life,  but I will forever be disappointing and frustrated in my own body and how it deals with stress and anxiety. It is disheartening that it takes my body to reach a certain threshold of angst and worry before I decide that a decision needs to be made, that is just the way I have been doing it for years; I keep my problems and thoughts to myself until I am about to explode into tears or have a panic attack and then I think about writing it down, talking to someone else or just generally sorting my shit out.

During August I went for a walk across the Sussex Downs...on my own. It was a warm day, I packed my lunch and just decided to go on an adventure by myself (something I wish I did more often). I love being outside and sometimes that is all I need in order to think through things, prioritise what is happening and make decisions. It is now October, the weather is colder and although I love wrapping up in layers of jumpers, scarves and blankets, the dim mornings and dark nights certainly make it more difficult to go out and get fresh air. It means that there are less 'me' days that involve long walks and thinking things through and more days under a blanket eating endless bags of crisps, drinking all of the green tea watching community for the hundredth time. I am not saying laying on the sofa all day can't be a great 'me' day, it really can, but I know I am going to miss the summer and the fresh air. I need to get myself outside in the wintery air, but bonfire night is coming and there are going to be fireworks everywhere...logical thinking. The weather and time of year definitely changes how I think about things, how I eat and how I take care of myself, not necessarily for the bad or the good, but it has just taken me several years to realise that and well...I guess acknowledging it makes me feel a little more in control (lets not even talk about control).

I am no export on mental health, but I am a firm believer that self care is one of the most important things in our lives. We need to look out for ourselves more. As a caring person it can be difficult to put yourself first and sometimes, you really just have to.